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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 12:49 am 
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ursinator wrote:
Melania Trump wrote:
With Christmas pressies in mind:

I just bought the most up to date train set there is.

It even comes with a replacement bus service

Lol, this joke also matches the sad state of german train infrastructure that even forced Greta to sit down on the floor (with a 1st class ticket in her possession) :mrgreen:
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https://abcnews.go.com/International/greta-thunberg-german-rail-company-twitter-spat/story?id=67753450


That's an eye opener, when I think Germany, I think precision and timely.....and Oktoberfest.....

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 1:21 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 12:56 pm 
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Sad. Just found out my friend with a stuttering problem died in prison.

He was a repeat offender and didn't even finish his sentence.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 11:10 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 3:27 pm 
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Gray_Ghost wrote:
ursinator wrote:
Melania Trump wrote:
With Christmas pressies in mind:

I just bought the most up to date train set there is.

It even comes with a replacement bus service

Lol, this joke also matches the sad state of german train infrastructure that even forced Greta to sit down on the floor (with a 1st class ticket in her possession) :mrgreen:
Image
https://abcnews.go.com/International/greta-thunberg-german-rail-company-twitter-spat/story?id=67753450


That's an eye opener, when I think Germany, I think precision and timely.....and Oktoberfest.....

Yes, but Germany is the place where the car and the autobahn were invented, so you can guess which lobby finally wins in the conflict of interests...
Btw thinking Gemany, thats what germans think is funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtP7q1Jbz9Y
merry christmas!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 1:11 pm 
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My friend drowned in a vat of varnish. He had a terrible end...

but a lovely finis


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 5:36 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 11:05 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 12:46 pm 
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In news from the Black sea, a ship carrying red paint has collided with another ship carrying blue paint.

Sailors from both ships are said to be marooned.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:16 pm 
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^^^^^ hee hee hee hee ^^^^^

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:38 pm 
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I’m so angry I just smashed my keyboard.

I lost Ctrl.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 4:18 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 7:16 pm 
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I was pulling my boxers off in bed last night when the wife said to me...

"You spoil those dogs."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 8:47 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 2:25 pm 
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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really should have got a new boat."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 3:25 pm 
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Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine. :D


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 3:27 pm 
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A policeman was testing three blondes who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 10:10 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 6:16 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 2:02 pm 
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My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, and in the run-up to Christmas, with all the extra expenditure, I was particularly worried abut him. But no, lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.

“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him.

“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.”

“A grand a week? How the hell are you going to afford that?” I asked.

“Dunno. That’s his problem.”


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 5:57 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 7:48 pm 
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Bouncer: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Me: "Why?"

Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 10:54 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 1:47 pm 
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I've been engaged a few times, but never got married. You could say I've had some near Mrs.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 9:01 pm 
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