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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 1:50 am 
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Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Long Prairie, Minnesota.
She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.. The temperature is 32 below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Wind chill is -59.Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunken fool IN!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:44 am 
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were cold, so they lit a fire in the craft. Of course it sank, proving once and for all you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 7:15 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 7:27 am 
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 1:16 pm 
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A guy walks into a bar with a something hanging from his zipper. The bartender takes a closer look and says, "Hey, you got a steering wheel on your fly!" To which the man replies. (Pirate speak) "Arrr... Its driving me nuts!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:18 am 
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Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 6:15 am 
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where did mary go after the explosion?




everywhere.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 10:11 am 
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.



What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.



Why was the math textbook so sad?
He had a lot of problems!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2018 9:00 pm 
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lapsed maps wrote:
where did mary go after the explosion?




everywhere.


just the sort of really twisted humor that totally appeals to me.... :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2018 11:25 pm 
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AGuyWithAWrench wrote:
lapsed maps wrote:
where did mary go after the explosion?




everywhere.


just the sort of really twisted humor that totally appeals to me.... :mrgreen:

hahaaa! in that case...

how do you fit 5 babies into 1 bowl?

a blender.

how do you get them back out of said bowl?

tortilla chips.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:10 am 
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Once chuck norris and time had race.
Result: The time is still running.



What do u call a police officer that works in bed?
An undercover cop.



I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!



How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:45 am 
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What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The incredible Sulk.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2018 9:12 am 
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what do ethiopians and yoko ono have in common?

they both live off of dead beatles.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:08 am 
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did you hear about the west virginian bear?

he laid his paw on the table.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:09 am 
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what is the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

just trying to fit in.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 5:29 am 
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lapsed maps wrote:
what is the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

just trying to fit in.



ohhhh....

How do you make a dead baby float?
2 scoops vanilla, one scoop dead baby


What do WalMart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boy's pants half off.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 5:37 am 
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how do you keep a polack in suspense?

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 5:52 am 
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If you jump off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:12 am 
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lapsed maps wrote:
what do ethiopians and yoko ono have in common?

they both live off of dead beatles.

Classic


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:59 pm 
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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol . . . . . .. Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke . . Dead!
Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead! .
Fourth worm in good clean soil . . Alive?!
So the Minister asked the congregation,
"So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service !

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:47 am 
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A hole has been found for the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 10:11 am 
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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:53 am 
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
The teacher once again sent Johnny to the principal's office.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:17 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:28 am 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.


Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?

A: Half a dog!


Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

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