Zappa.com

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

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A guy walks into a bar with a something hanging from his zipper. The bartender takes a closer look and says, "Hey, you got a steering wheel on your fly!" To which the man replies. (Pirate speak) "Arrr... Its driving me nuts!"

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You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

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where did mary go after the explosion?




everywhere.

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.



What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.



Why was the math textbook so sad?
He had a lot of problems!

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Hey Punk, did you just ask Brad to find 11,780 Republican votes down the back of the sofa?

just the sort of really twisted humor that totally appeals to me....

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"Why do people say "Grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding"! -- Sheng Wang

hahaaa! in that case...

how do you fit 5 babies into 1 bowl?

a blender.

how do you get them back out of said bowl?

tortilla chips.

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Once chuck norris and time had race.
Result: The time is still running.



What do u call a police officer that works in bed?
An undercover cop.



I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!



How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."

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Hey Punk, did you just ask Brad to find 11,780 Republican votes down the back of the sofa?

What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The incredible Sulk.

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You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)

what do ethiopians and yoko ono have in common?

they both live off of dead beatles.

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

did you hear about the west virginian bear?

he laid his paw on the table.

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

what is the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

just trying to fit in.

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

ohhhh....

How do you make a dead baby float?
2 scoops vanilla, one scoop dead baby


What do WalMart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boy's pants half off.

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"Why do people say "Grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding"! -- Sheng Wang

how do you keep a polack in suspense?

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

If you jump off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol . . . . . .. Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke . . Dead!
Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead! .
Fourth worm in good clean soil . . Alive?!
So the Minister asked the congregation,
"So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service !

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)

A hole has been found for the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
The teacher once again sent Johnny to the principal's office.

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.


Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?

A: Half a dog!


Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

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Hey Punk, did you just ask Brad to find 11,780 Republican votes down the back of the sofa?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkbmwGCbapE

too soon?

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

relative to.....

A policeman stops a driver and says Congratulations you've won $500.00 for wearing a safety belt. What will you do with your winnings?

I don't know, probably pass the exam for a driving license the driver replied

Then his wife said Don't take any notice, he always talks like that when he's drunk.

Then the backseat passenger wakes up and says I told you that we wouldn't get far in a stolen car! Then a voice came from the trunk, have we crossed the border already?

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Hey Punk, did you just ask Brad to find 11,780 Republican votes down the back of the sofa?