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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:08 am 
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Help! My wife is in the other room dismembering some sort of animal. She keeps saying i shouldn't worry about it, it's Thanksgiving. I don't trust her. What should I do?

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Everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh. Every night we'd contribute, 2, 3, 4 boogers. We had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. There was some goober ones that weren't even hard...


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 12:23 pm 
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run very far away and hide inside a drum


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:11 pm 
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Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

White meat or dark meat?

Sign me hungry


Try both and then decide.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:13 pm 
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Ronny's Noomies wrote:
Help! My wife is in the other room dismembering some sort of animal. She keeps saying i shouldn't worry about it, it's Thanksgiving. I don't trust her. What should I do?


Allowable: Turkeys/Chickens/Raccoons/Squirrel. Un-acceptable: Animal from the Muppet Show, Animal from the Lou Grant show, Def Leppard's "Animal".


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:14 pm 
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Eddie RUKidding wrote:
run very far away and hide inside a drum


I doubt you are a highly qualified internet psychiatrist. Bad advice can be damaging.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 3:40 pm 
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Dear Calvin-
Can you recommend a good college for studying internet psychiatry and do you have any advice for aspiring internet psychiatrists? Also, how do you feel about Dr. Phil’s work and television psychiatry in general?

Signed,

Itching to Heal


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 4:51 pm 
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KUIII wrote:
Dear Calvin-
Can you recommend a good college for studying internet psychiatry and do you have any advice for aspiring internet psychiatrists? Also, how do you feel about Dr. Phil’s work and television psychiatry in general?

Signed,

Itching to Heal


The best is Junior Samples Blog And Institute Of Psychiatry (Internet). Be prepared for 4 years of the toughest training you will ever go through. (Or you can test out at the beginning. Takes about 5 minutes).

As for Dr Phil, he and his advice pellets that he pushes out of his psychiatric Pez dispenser, he's a TV personality, that's all. "You're only lonely if you're not there for you?" Crap.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:31 pm 
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Calvin-
In my continuing pursuit of the truth the opportunity to attend a Tony Robbins- Unleash the Power Within seminar will present itself next spring in my home state of California (http://www.tonyrobbins.com/UPW-San-Jose). My question is should I spring for the VIP ticket at $1,195.00 or will I get more bang for my buck for either the Executive ticket at $995.00 or the General Admission ticket at $775.00?

Also, will you be doing any seminars in my area in the near future and how do your fees compare to Tony’s?

Signed,

Still Itching


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:39 am 
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KUIII wrote:
Calvin-
In my continuing pursuit of the truth the opportunity to attend a Tony Robbins- Unleash the Power Within seminar will present itself next spring in my home state of California (http://www.tonyrobbins.com/UPW-San-Jose). My question is should I spring for the VIP ticket at $1,195.00 or will I get more bang for my buck for either the Executive ticket at $995.00 or the General Admission ticket at $775.00?

Also, will you be doing any seminars in my area in the near future and how do your fees compare to Tony’s?

Signed,

Still Itching


My practice is limited to the Zappa Forum. I'm on a small retainer (i.e., allowed to post on the forum).

It would be be nice to attend one of Tony's "experiences". All ticket levels include the fire walk, so you're covered there. But I would go online and buy "Awaken The Giant Within" and read it before you decide to lay down that kind of money.

I wouldn't put anybody down in the science of impr"you"vement. Accept that Dr. Phil. Ugh.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:43 am 
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Dear Cal

Five days off and I don't want to go back to work, what's wrong with me?

Sign Me

Lazy Bones


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 8:09 pm 
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Dear Calvin,

I believe I’ve broken off a piece of one of my molars when eating a pitted olive that wasn’t completely pitted. However, it happened years ago, and I don’t feel any signs of discomfort or pain - it was apparently just the tooth equivalent of a “flesh wound”. Do you think I can still pick up chicks?

Feets

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:52 pm 
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Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

Five days off and I don't want to go back to work, what's wrong with me?

Sign Me

Lazy Bones


I'll give you the answer when you're back to work.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:54 pm 
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feetlightup wrote:
Dear Calvin,

I believe I’ve broken off a piece of one of my molars when eating a pitted olive that wasn’t completely pitted. However, it happened years ago, and I don’t feel any signs of discomfort or pain - it was apparently just the tooth equivalent of a “flesh wound”. Do you think I can still pick up chicks?

Feets


Easily. Bend at the waist (this may be difficult for you since you're what, 6' 9"?) and cup them in your hand. Try not to pick them up by just the feathers.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:58 pm 
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Location: Bordeaux, France
My wife said I was sick and that I should get help! Do you know where I could get some of that?

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"Welcome to the Frank Zappa Memorial Country Club & BBQ" at wgt.com 75 members and counting.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:18 am 
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hey calvin, this ever happen to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Bk_jUB4og



sadly signed,
bummers

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:08 pm 
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The_Acadian_2 wrote:
My wife said I was sick and that I should get help! Do you know where I could get some of that?


Is she qualified to offer such advice?


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:19 pm 
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lapsed maps wrote:
hey calvin, this ever happen to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Bk_jUB4og



sadly signed,
bummers


If I went to Subway it would, I suspect.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:01 pm 
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Calvin-
Where do you turn to for advice?

Signed,

Calling All Kettles


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:40 am 
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KUIII wrote:
Calvin-
Where do you turn to for advice?

Signed,

Calling All Kettles


Initially I tried to go to Paul Simon, but all that "bridge over troubled water" bullshit only applies to his really close friends. I found out I'm such an "advice whisperer" that I don't need to go elsewhere, just to look within.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:53 am 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
lapsed maps wrote:
hey calvin, this ever happen to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Bk_jUB4og



sadly signed,
bummers


If I went to Subway it would, I suspect.

ok now... i wasn't going to "go there", i really wasn't.
but hey, it's a lazy sunday and i feel this is something that should be addressed.

my initial question ( up there) is dealing with the past.
YOUR answer strictly deals with the future. alas..... i have a new question.


are you, calvin, a time traveler?


signed,
rewinding for words

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:01 am 
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lapsed maps wrote:
calvin2hikers wrote:
lapsed maps wrote:
hey calvin, this ever happen to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Bk_jUB4og



sadly signed,
bummers


If I went to Subway it would, I suspect.

ok now... i wasn't going to "go there", i really wasn't.
but hey, it's a lazy sunday and i feel this is something that should be addressed.

my initial question ( up there) is dealing with the past.
YOUR answer strictly deals with the future. alas..... i have a new question.


are you, calvin, a time traveler?


signed,
rewinding for words


Now come on, that's just crazy. You saying ridiculous stuff like that makes me wonder how you ever became the US Ambassador to Sweden.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:19 pm 
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How's it goin' Cal?

King Crimson- Islands on vinyl. It's such a quiet album in many places. What if the copy is old and a bit worn out? Are the pops and crackles considered an enhancement? Also, how often is too often when skipping over Prelude: Song Of The Gulls?

Thanks


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2017 11:09 pm 
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Dear Cal

I'm very tired what do you suggest I do?

Singn me

Yanni (not the singer)


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:15 am 
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downer mydnyte wrote:
King Crimson- Islands on vinyl. It's such a quiet album in many places.

not quiet enough. it exists.


downer mydnyte wrote:
What if the copy is old and a bit worn out?

seek previous owner and beat said owner with heavy and/or blunt object.
not for wearing out the album... just for listening.


downer mydnyte wrote:
Are the pops and crackles considered an enhancement?

more like a blessing..... possibly the only exciting parts on the album.


downer mydnyte wrote:
how often is too often when skipping over Prelude: Song Of The Gulls?

no such thing. skip away.

PS "song of the gulls"!?!?
did richard simmons write that one after a break up,
upon taking a wash-it-all-away bubble bath, with a woe-is-me disposition
and a pringles can rammed... nevermind. i've said enough.



Tish

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:08 am 
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downer mydnyte wrote:
How's it goin' Cal?

King Crimson- Islands on vinyl. It's such a quiet album in many places. What if the copy is old and a bit worn out? Are the pops and crackles considered an enhancement? Also, how often is too often when skipping over Prelude: Song Of The Gulls?

Thanks


The Band's Islands is better.

But I've never heard this King Crimson album so maybe I'm not one to judge.


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