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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:30 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:07 pm 
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Intelligence is the first thing I look for in a woman…

Because if she doesn’t have that, I may just have a chance.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 1:18 am 
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hey kemosabe where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:32 pm 
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How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not six, because my basement is still dark!

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"Why do people say "Grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding"! -- Sheng Wang


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2020 1:17 am 
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What's the differenc ebetween erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather.

Kinky is using the whole chicken.......


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2020 3:31 pm 
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Melania Trump wrote:
What's the differenc ebetween erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather.

Kinky is using the whole chicken.......

to measure it?

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 1:38 am 
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or I've got a dick this big

You've got to use a chicken


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 1:47 am 
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Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,

is aiming too high.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 1:38 pm 
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I read a 4 page book about WW2.

It was called: " Abridged too Far"


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 1:40 pm 
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My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.

.

I found out she was seeing someone on the side.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 1:42 pm 
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Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Donald Trump’s wall.

On the condition he gets to install windows.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 1:46 pm 
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 2:26 pm 
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I went to a swingers Halloween party dressed as a chicken.

Met a girl dressed as an egg.

A question as old as time was answered.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 3:05 am 
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hey kemosabe where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 1:49 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for *SPAM*.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that *SPAM* will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails’, 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and *SPAM* today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 9:06 pm 
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hey kemosabe where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 1:46 pm 
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hey kemosabe where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 2:40 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 29, 2020 10:03 pm 
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hey kemosabe where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2020 12:06 pm 
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I’m addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2020 12:08 pm 
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I only believe in 12.5% of the bible.

Which makes me an eighth theist.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2020 1:25 pm 
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Paddy goes for a job at a building site. The foreman wants to find out how much he knows about the building trade so he asks "what is the difference between joist and girder...?

Paddy scratches his head for a minute... "To be sure, that's a hard one...I think Joist wrote Ulysses and Girder wrote Faust..."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2020 12:51 am 
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here's an oldie

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2020 8:55 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2020 12:13 pm 
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One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.

When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.


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