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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 6:47 am 
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Location: Oregon
Gray_Ghost wrote:
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 6:51 am 
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Location: Oregon
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“Listen to everyone, read everything; believe absolutely nothing unless you can prove it in your own right!”


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 8:26 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2010 7:19 pm
Posts: 603
Location: USA
Bit of humor from my friend Kari
1st
http://karireport.blogspot.com/2019/12/ ... ready.html
2nd
http://karireport.blogspot.com/2019/12/ ... -just.html


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 9:01 am 
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Location: EINDHOVEN
"Mommy? Was Mary the mother of Jesus?" "Yes, dear." "And is Jesus the lamb of God?" "Yes, dear." "So does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 2:29 pm 
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BBP wrote:
"Mommy? Was Mary the mother of Jesus?" "Yes, dear." "And is Jesus the lamb of God?" "Yes, dear." "So does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?"

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 2:32 pm 
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This morning, I visited the birthplace of the person who invented the toothbrush.

There's no plaque.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 3:55 pm 
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I got my skydiving degree yesterday!

I had to drop out to graduate.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 5:08 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2019 12:58 pm 
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In the annual Dickensian football match, Scrooge scored with an assist from a ghost!

Yes, the Ghost of Christmas passed.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2019 8:32 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
:lol:

If you boil a funny bone
it becomes a laughing stock.....that's humerus.....

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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 1:26 pm 
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Me: Doctor, I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: Oh I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 1:50 pm 
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If they call sex with three people a threesome and sex with four people a foursome...

then I see why they call you handsome!


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 7:34 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2019 5:49 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2019 2:27 pm 
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A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2019 3:05 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 1:58 pm 
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They just discovered an Egyptian tomb filled with chocolate and hazelnut.

They believe it is the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 1:28 pm 
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In 2019 the astrophysicists discovered a new type of matter, besides the already known visible matter, dark matter and antimatter.

They decided to call it "doesn't matter", as it seems to have no effect on the known universe, whatsoever.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 3:40 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey. It’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2000. Is it o.k. if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “O.K., but for that price I want all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can probably go the extra the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!
MAN: “Bye! I love you too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and ask, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 9:07 am 
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Location: Oregon
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:22 pm 
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What is a New Year's resolution?

Something that goes in one year and out the other.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:45 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:31 pm 
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Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:37 pm 
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I’m trying to make friends outside of Facebook by using the Facebook method.
Every day I go out on the streets & tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before & what I’ll do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, me sitting in my garden & standing with my bike.
I also listen to their conversations & no matter how they reply to me, I tell them I love them.

… and … guess what … it works, I already have 4 people following me: Two police officers, a psychiatrist & a Cub Scout named Chester.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 8:17 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk where you goin' with no mask on your face.....


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