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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 6:18 am 
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Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God doesn’t laugh. “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:00 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:02 pm 
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A couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:18 am 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:59 am 
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Did you hear about the three Michelin starred restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 1:48 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:31 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 1:16 pm 
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American journalist goes to Afghanistan in 2000. Everywhere he goes he sees men walking ten feet in front of women. He asks an Afghani guy about it, the guy responds, "this is our culture, where men are superior to women, and that is why they must walk behind us." Journalist shrugs and goes back to US.
Five years later, in 2005, same journalist goes back to Afghanistan. Everywhere he goes he now sees women walking ten feet IN FRONT of men. Journalist gets really excited, goes to talk to an Afghani guy. "This is an amazing cultural shift, and step toward gender equality!" journalist says. "What prompted this change?"
Afghani guy shrugs. "Landmines"


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:29 pm 
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What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.” —


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:58 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 1:38 am 
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Gray_Ghost has a refined sense of humor! Thanks for these! LOL

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 2:27 am 
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hee hee hee

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 6:03 am 
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Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 7:05 am 
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what do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?


homeless.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 12:23 pm 
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cory1984 wrote:
Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.


Out Bach Hey :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 5:54 am 
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I've spent the last five years looking for my girlfriend's killer -- but no one will do it!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Sep 10, 2019 1:04 pm 
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A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
“Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!” the farmer answered.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2019 9:53 am 
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Melania Trump wrote:
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
“Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!” the farmer answered.


That one brings me back to a joke a contractor guy I know used to always use.

Contractor: "I need some 2x4s"
Store Owner: "How long do you need'em?"
Contractor: "I'm going to need them a long time"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2019 12:58 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2019 5:43 pm 
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My ex just sneezed and, without thinking, I said 'Bless you'.

Now she's confused, staring at the bushes, wondering who said that......


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:06 pm 
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My kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 80's...

So I took their phones away from them & turned off the internet.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:01 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:16 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 1:15 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2019 11:40 am 
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