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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:20 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 2:43 pm 
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My wife’s gone to the West Indies.

Jamaica?

No, she wanted to go.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 4:11 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 6:01 pm 
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^^https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8pnec4Hxps

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 2:01 am 
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My Wife's gone to Indonesia.

Jakarta?

No, she flew.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:31 pm 
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Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head "No!"
Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head, "No!"
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:33 pm 
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My wife went to Malawi.

Lilongwe?

Yes, thousands of miles


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:35 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 2:11 am 
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The final and effective solution for your baldness, absolutely for free!
Needed: Just your bald head and a pot of honey.
Put, smear, spread the honey out on your bald head.
Go to a dunghill.
Wait for the flies to settle down on your bald head until your whole head is looking black from the flies.
Unexpectedly clap in your hands above your head.
Frightened to death, these poor creatures will fly away, leaving all their legs behind...


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 2:13 am 
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the bankteller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:57 am 
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My Husband's gone to Thailand.

Phuket?

Yes, that's what I thought.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:58 am 
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My wife was robbed in Western Australia.

Perth?

No, they took her pathport and her driving lithenth.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:08 pm 
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just plain doug wrote:
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I like a joke as much as the next person but these AOC things are driven by a bunch of misogynist pigs who are certainly not half as smart as AOC or have had the discipline or drive to accomplish what she has in the face of extreme adversity... :idea:


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:29 pm 
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Plook wrote:
just plain doug wrote:
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I like a joke as much as the next person but these AOC things are driven by a bunch of misogynist pigs who are certainly not half as smart as AOC or have had the discipline or drive to accomplish what she has in the face of extreme adversity... :idea:


here here :smoke:


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:37 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:28 pm 
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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 5:18 pm 
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Location: USA
Yeah yeah. It was funny the other two times as well.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:56 pm 
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‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas.

Tibet?

Yes, of course, why else would she go?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:02 pm 
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Melania Trump wrote:
‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas.

Tibet?

Yes, of course, why else would she go?


I went to play cards with some South Africans.

Zulus?

No, I won.

(A Ralph Malph classic)


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 4:26 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:03 pm 
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A jazz musician goes to the doctor.

Doctor: “I’m afraid I’ve got bad news for you. You only have three weeks to live.”

Musician: “On what?”


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 1:08 pm 
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I love going to the horse racing in France

Toulouse...?

Occasionally I back a winner


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:39 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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hey punk.....I'm speechless, I have no speech.....


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 1:26 pm 
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Gray_Ghost wrote:
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:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :smoke:
You sure that was not on One Size fits all


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:35 pm 
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My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vets. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the wife that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
She went to the shops and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the *SPAM* told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Wife said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The *SPAM* said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Wife replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The *SPAM* says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."


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