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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 27, 2019 1:37 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 27, 2019 5:40 pm 
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:37 am 
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls?
Still no fucking idea.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 1:40 pm 
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A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:07 pm 
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A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:08 pm 
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A man goes into the doctor.

He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks please if you will."

"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said.

"There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 6:46 pm 
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The drummer was always lagging so badly...
...he finally got so depressed, he threw himself behind a train :oops:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 3:17 am 
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Location: Green Chevy, license number 650 BN
LOL

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 1:16 pm 
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was it the A Train


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 1:34 pm 
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Instrumental Jokes :mrgreen:
Fire extinguisher
A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion." After a second, the shop assistant says, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays.

Perfect pitch
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
When you throw a banjo in the bin and
it lands on an accordion.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:38 am 
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There was a painter named Smokey Macgregor, who was very interested in

making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.



As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church

decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of their large building.



Smokey put in a bid, & because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about

erecting the scaffolding & setting up the planks & buying the paint & yes,

I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...



Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed,

when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, & the rain

poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church, & knocking Smokey

clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by

tell-tale puddles of the thinned & useless paint.



Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees & cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..






Repaint! Repaint!

and thin no more.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 1:21 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 1:39 pm 
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Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,
I quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 5:45 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 12:32 pm 
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car, My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 7:26 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:03 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:29 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:45 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 12:28 pm 
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Well, if you like language jokes:

Q: why do Frenchmen like small omelettes?

A: because one egg's un oeuf.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 1:21 pm 
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Location: EINDHOVEN
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead climbed to the top of the swimming pool's slide. At the top, a genie appeared and offered them each a wish. "As you go down the slide, just shout what you want and you'll land in it." The brunette shouted, "Money!" and landed in a pile of it. The redhead shouted "Gorgeous men!" and landed in a pile of them. The blonde shouted, "Wheeeeee!"

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:16 pm 
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mickey and mimi mouse are going through a divorce.
mickey is talking to his divorce lawyer.
the lawyer asks: "so, what's going on?"
mickey says: "well, she's just weird, she's really strange... she's fuckin' goofy!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:13 pm 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTYlYU0tc4I

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:46 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 1:39 am 
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