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PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 8:54 pm 
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I invented a joke.

Do you know why the Arabes love Tea?






Because it's an anti-oxidant!!


Invented by Zut boF in 2006

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Je suis désolé pour les roles que j'ai joué dans toutes ces videos, ce n'est pas tres valorisant pour l'humanité mais si cela peut avoir fait progresser la science, alors il y aura eu un coté positif.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 7:47 am 
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- What can you do if you don't like the Prelude in C Sharp Minor?
- Turn Rachmanin off.

Hmm:
A director decides that he's going to make a movie based on the lives of famous classical composers. Looking for a prospective cast, he asks Sylvester Stallone which composer he would like to play in the movie. Stallone thinks for a moment and says, "I like Mozart. Let me be Mozart."

The director then turns to Arnold Schwarzenegger and asks him who he'd like to play. Arnold replies, "I'll be Bach!"

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TB -


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:04 am 
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Two DJs are talking to each other, one says to the other "want to go and see a movie?"
The other replies "I don't know, who's the projectionist?"

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"Listen to that noise! It's like Barry White eating wasps."


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:10 pm 
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This is my favorite joke of all time:


Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?


His wife died. :wink:

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It's like that old song, “Blomp Blomp-a Noop Noop A-Noop Noop Noop.”


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 9:16 am 
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:(

http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:06 pm 
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Hahahaha baddy. 8)

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"Listen to that noise! It's like Barry White eating wasps."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 6:53 am 
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
















Put it in the microwave until it's bill withers


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 Post subject: It's Little Willy time!!
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:01 pm 
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Willie with a thirst for gore,
Nailed his sister to the door
His mother said with humor quaint,
"Willie, dear, don't scratch the paint."


Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays.
It rained Willie seven days.



Making toast at fireside,
Nurse fell in the grate and died;
And, what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burned with nurse.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:32 am 
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Fido3 wrote:
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it's bill withers



It's yellow and you can jump on it...


A little duckling.






It's yellow and if you push the button it's red...

A little duckling in the kitchen blender.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:11 pm 
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Michael J. Fox has definitely put on weight. Makes sense ... he has a big shake with every meal.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:11 pm 
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-It lives in a field, has feathers, a comb, it crows and it has 4 legs.
-I don't know. What is it?
-A cock.
-With 4 legs?
-I added two to make it a little more difficult.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:37 pm 
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WaspManwMetalWings wrote:
Michael J. Fox has definitely put on weight. Makes sense ... he has a big shake with every meal.



:lol: lol cruel but fucking funny :twisted:

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:roll:Image

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:58 pm 
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Location: Just N. of Boston, MA, USA
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:


I walked into a hair salon with my husba nd and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


THIRD TESTIMONY:


My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler d ecided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled somethin g funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.
Then I realized that Dannyhad not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had anaccident,
and I don't have any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:


This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:59 pm 
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ACCIDENTAL REPEAT

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Last edited by Batchain1001 on Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:59 pm 
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ACCIDENTAL REPEAT

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 4:45 am 
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A woman meets a psychiatrist at a party. The two start chatting.

"But how can you know whether someone is insane or not?" the woman asks.

"Well," replies the doctor, "I ask my patients a simple question and if they can't answer it, I know something is wrong."

"What sort of questions do you ask?"

"The famous cyclist Otho has won 3 world championships. He died shortly after one of those three. Which one?"

"Ehm... Could you ask me a different question? I do not know too much about sports..."

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 8:18 am 
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What do you call a bad air-host?

Rot Steward.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:07 pm 
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So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:01 pm 
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This joke was better (or worse?) before Pirates of the Caribbean came out:

Have you seen the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrrr!!!

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“The power of pop music to corrupt and putrify the minds of world youth are virtually limitless."


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 3:28 am 
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Location: Hawaii

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 4:22 am 
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Location: Hawaii

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:43 pm 
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Why did the wee boy fall off his bike?

He got a fridge threw at him.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:44 am 
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A guy walks into a sex shop.
-"Hello, do you sell any black condoms?"
-"We have pink condoms, yellow condoms blue condoms, green condoms, strawberry condoms, chocolate condoms, banana condoms, lubricated condoms, smooth condoms, striped condoms... but no black condoms. Why do you want a black one?

-"My girlfriend's husband has died and I want to express my condoleances in a proper way."

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:06 pm 
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Location: Málaga, Spain
this guy walks into a pet shop and says to the gonk behind the counter, "do you have any pet flies mate"? the gonk repsonds "no, why do you ask"?

and he replies "oh i seen one in the window"


scottish people will only appreciate this one

what do you call a shite with one eye?

a keech


what do you call a sheep with no legs?

a cloud

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:30 pm 
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nice one i do not get it
:wink:

how you spell the thing they say in scotland for for where you been?
ware you weries :roll: is that correct.

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