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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 12:38 am 
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hey punk, where you going with that hydrogen bomb in your hand?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:14 am 
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hey punk, where you going with that hydrogen bomb in your hand?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 10:41 am 
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Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told
him he only has 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his
wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees and they make love.
About 6 hours later Ralph goes to his wife and says,
"Honey, I only have 18 more hours to live, could we do it one more time?"
Of course the wife agrees and they do it again. Later, as the man gets
into bed, he looks at the clock and realizes he only has 8 hours left.
So he Wakes up his wife and asks her once again to make love to him and
for the third time she agrees. After this she goes back to sleep.
Poor Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns
until he's down to 4 hours left to live. He taps his wife on the shoulder
who barely awakens and says,
"Honey, I have 4 more hours. Do you think we could??.?"
At this point his wife sits up and says:
"Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning??.. you don't!!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 10:54 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 12:56 am 
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hey punk, where you going with that hydrogen bomb in your hand?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:05 pm 
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I was in a pet shop when I noticed a Muslim girl
with the most amazingly colored parrot perched on her shoulder.
"Where did you get that?" I asked.
"Germany. There's millions of 'em!" said the parrot.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 11:17 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 5:08 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:53 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 5:20 am 
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• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist
• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop
any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned
on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about antigravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A
thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro: what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn't last.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 11:18 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 11:01 am 
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A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I'm not sure what to do.. it’s for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.”

------------------------------ ------

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope: “DO NOT BEND.”
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

------------------------------ ------

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”

------------------------------ ---

A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“Just WHAT the hell are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blonde replies.
“The rope should be around your neck,” says the guard.
“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn't breathe.”

------------------------------ ------

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat”

------------------------------ --------

A friend told the blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
The blonde man then said: “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

------------------------------ ------

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

------------------------------ ------

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
“Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
To which the blonde man replied:
“Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:38 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:31 pm 
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hey punk, where you going with that hydrogen bomb in your hand?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:24 am 
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A Scot went to the local newspaper office to have the obituary for her recently deceased husband publshed.
The obits editor informed her that there is a charge of 50 pence per word.
She paused, reflected and then said, "Aye, well then, let it read, 'Angus MacPherson died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor went on to tell her that there was a six word minimum for all obituaries.
She again thought it over for a while and then said, "Aye, in that case, let it read...'Angus MacPherson died. Bagpipes for sale'."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:27 am 
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hey punk, where you going with that hydrogen bomb in your hand?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:08 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:13 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:53 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:57 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 11:17 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:51 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:45 pm 
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A young boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and realistically'?
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.
"But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 9:09 pm 
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^^^^^ hahahaha ^^^^^

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:27 am 
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