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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:33 am 
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Words You Thought You Knew

Some you may have to think about for a few seconds.

ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

BERNADETTE: The act of torching a *SPAM*

BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate . . . Get it? Con and troll?

COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

MISTY: How golfers create divots

PARADOX: Two physicians

PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

*SPAM*: A helper on the farm

POLARIZE: What penguins see with

PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 1:08 pm 
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^I can get the second spam was p h a r m a c i s t but what was the first?

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 1:19 pm 
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BBP wrote:
^I can get the second spam was p h a r m a c i s t but what was the first?
m.o.r.t.g.a.g.e 8)

Glenn McCoy
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 5:33 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 12:34 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 7:54 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:10 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:14 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:51 pm 
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Location: Behind a ultra-avant laminated, simulated replica-mahogany desk
"Devil in my Pants" Darryl Rhoades and the Hahavishnu Orchestra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMhSYGpDtRQ

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:30 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:07 am 
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I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!

REMEMBER:
'A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!'

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:30 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 1:14 am 
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I just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
have sex at 74.
I'm so happy, because I live at
number 71.
So it's not too far to walk home
afterwards.
And
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:09 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 1:41 am 
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I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:22 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 2:08 pm 
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After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.

He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a

breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried.

It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each and every word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble , "Can I feel your boobs, then?"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:16 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:16 am 
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I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 6:34 am 
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Trip wrote:
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Oh come now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ETCM90yHiY

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:48 am 
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BBP wrote:


Since Trip won't say anything (he just posts a bunch of stuff, he doesn't interact), there's a ton of thievery in the humor profession.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:12 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 8:59 am 
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I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:32 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:07 am 
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A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has developed a plan of eating for free in really good restaurants.
"I simply go in at well past 9 pm, eat several courses slowly, and linger over coffee, dessert, and a cigar until they are cleaning up. I keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say, 'I've already paid my original waiter who has left for the night.' And, because I am a man of the cloth, the waiter takes my word for it, and I just simply walk out the front door as calm as can be."
The rabbi, clearly impressed says, "Let's try it together this evening."
The priest agrees and books them into an expensive, 5-Star Italian restaurant.
They both eat like kings and, just as before, right at 2 am, they are both sitting quietly after enjoying their very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and hands the priest and the rabbi a bill and asks them to pay.
The priest calmly says: "I've already paid our original waiter who has left for the evening."
And then the rabbi adds: "And we're still waiting for the change!"

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