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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:30 am 
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Location: misanthropia
what's worse than eating your grandma' pussy?

banging your head on the coffin lid!




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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:28 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:22 am 
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Location: EINDHOVEN
Last year, I bought my son a ride-inside tank for Christmas. It cost a hundred bucks and took me hours to assemble. He ended up playing in the box it came in. I learned a valuable lesson. This year, I gave him a box and I got a hundred-dollar bottle of Scotch!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:34 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.

Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 6:03 pm 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:04 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

“Robin, get in the car.”


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:54 pm 
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Location: The Thumb
A young man knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to donate to the new community swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:29 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.

But it’s only mild.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:37 pm 
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Posts: 16527
Milton Bradley wrote:
A young man knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to donate to the new community swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.


I had a bunch of skin care zealots try to sell me their products at the door today.

Damn Jojoba Witnesses.


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 28855
Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 2:00 am 
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Posts: 33297
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
After my prostate exam, the doctor left and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear….
She said, "Who was that Guy!?"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:58 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 28855
Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Why don’t ants get sick?

They have anty-bodies.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 1:13 pm 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Two times a week my wife and I go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 1:33 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fssshh.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 7:56 pm 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
My wife and I sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:06 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
A woman got on a bus with her baby. The bus driver said to her ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman then walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming mad. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him how you feel. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 7:50 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 9:34 am 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:47 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 3:04 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Your momma’s so fat and old when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked your mother to move out of the way.

What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!

I went to a zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 4:16 pm 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 5:45 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 6:18 pm 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
My wife has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 6:32 pm 
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Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2017 2:32 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

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