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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2021 2:01 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:49 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2021 5:54 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:25 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 28, 2021 3:19 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2021 5:18 pm 
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Location: >>==> Pōneke, Wellington, Aotearoa, New Zealand.
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2021 9:09 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2021 11:11 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2021 11:17 pm 
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Location: >>==> Pōneke, Wellington, Aotearoa, New Zealand.
So Joe had these headaches.....

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine,
and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice
but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years,
but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought,
"That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him
briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said,
"Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how
did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror,
the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache....."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2021 1:49 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2021 2:06 am 
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Location: >>==> Pōneke, Wellington, Aotearoa, New Zealand.
Beep Beep.....




I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing.

Then Covid-19 hit, and all our meetings were online,

I’d still make jokes, but no one would laugh, not one.

At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted,

It turns out, they didn’t find me remotely funny.....

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2021 2:25 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2021 2:36 am 
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^ :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2021 2:22 pm 
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A WOMAN WALKS INTO THE DOWNTOWN WELFARE OFFICE, TRAILED BY 15 KIDS
'WOW,' THE SOCIAL WORKER EXCLAIMS, 'ARE THEY ALL YOURS?’
'YEP, THEY'RE ALL MINE, ' THE FLUSTERED MOMMA SIGHS, HAVING HEARD QUESTION A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE. SHE SAYS, 'SIT DOWN, TERRY.' ALL THE CHILDREN RUSH TO FIND SEATS.
'WELL,' SAYS THE SOCIAL WORKER, 'THEN YOU MUST BE HERE TO SIGN UP. I'LL NEED ALL YOUR CHILDREN'S NAMES.’
”WELL, TO KEEP IT SIMPLE, THE BOYS ARE ALL NAMED TERRY AND THE GIRLS ARE ALL NAMED TERRi.”
IN DISBELIEF, THE CASE WORKER SAYS, 'ARE YOU SERIOUS? THEY'RE ALL NAMED TERRY?’
THEIR MOMMA REPLIED, 'WELL, YES - IT MAKES IT EASIER. WHEN IT'S TIME TO GET THEM OUT OF BED AND READY FOR SCHOOL , I YELL, TERRY! AND WHEN IT'S TIME FOR DINNER, I JUST YELL TERRY! AND THEY ALL COME A RUNNING. IF I NEED TO STOP THE KID WHO'S RUNNING INTO THE STREET, I JUST YELL TERRY AND ALL OF THEM STOP. IT'S THE SMARTEST IDEA I EVER HAD, NAMING THEM ALL TERRY.’
THE SOCIAL WORKER THINKS THIS OVER FOR A BIT, THEN WRINKLES HER FOREHEAD AND SAYS TENTATIVELY, 'BUT WHAT IF YOU JUST WANT ONE KID TO COME, AND NOT THE WHOLE BUNCH? ‘
'THEN I CALL THEM BY THEIR LAST NAMES.'


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2021 11:12 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2021 2:24 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2021 3:15 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2021 2:14 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Sep 08, 2021 9:39 am 
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I relabeled every jar in my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet ...but the thyme is cumin!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2021 2:20 pm 
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A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon.
They cracked the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your toes look all mangled and funny." " I had tolio as a child," the husband replied.
"You mean polio? " she asked. "No, the disease only affected my toes." The bride was satisfied with this, and they continued undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride exclaimed, "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked. " No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride was satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued,her husband removed his undies.
"Let me guess, " the wife said. "Smallcox?"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2021 2:23 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2021 11:13 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2021 3:18 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2021 11:57 pm 
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I am scared of German sausages.

I fear the wurst

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2021 9:39 am 
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If you were a vegan this could escalate into a Wurst Käse scenario!

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