Zappa.com

The Official Frank Zappa Messageboards
It is currently Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:21 pm

All times are UTC - 8 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2074 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 79, 80, 81, 82, 83
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:08 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:04 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Image

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 12:19 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 5:24 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 23316
Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Image

bye bye

_________________
hey punk, where you going with that presidential pardon in your pocket? I, I don't recall.....


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 4:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2002 7:45 pm
Posts: 4611
Location: St-Hyacinthe, Québec, Canada
The court's in session now...
Here comes the judge, here comes the judge
(Long Shorty)

PS: How many members here remember that song ?
8)

_________________
No doubt, we're doomed !


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 5:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
There are only 11 times in history where the "F" word has been considered
acceptable for use.
They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- George Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Albert Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c’mon Monica. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

1."There is no @#$%ing way Trump will ever become President"
-- Hilary Clinton 2016

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:28 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 23316
Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Image

_________________
hey punk, where you going with that presidential pardon in your pocket? I, I don't recall.....


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:16 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2017 2:40 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"
THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET DUCK CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS.
THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE DUCK BEGAN TO SQUIRM. . .
THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS PECKER IS HANGING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.."AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN...!"

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2017 3:54 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2003 3:45 am
Posts: 11770
Location: EINDHOVEN
BF sent me this after I managed to temporarily fix a vacuum cleaner with duct tape:

Image

_________________
Image
Join the PackardGoose forum! Send me a PM!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:14 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:53 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Image

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:04 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:53 pm
Posts: 728
Location: ger-money
Why don't ants go to church? Cause they are in sects.

_________________
ImageImageImage


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 12:09 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 2:07 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Image

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 11:14 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 23316
Location: >>==> Wellington New Zealand
Image

_________________
hey punk, where you going with that presidential pardon in your pocket? I, I don't recall.....


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:11 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:07 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:15 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:57 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Image

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 12:19 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:13 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for candy, cookies, all sorts of things.

The grandpa is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long—easy, boy."

The boy has another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say: "It's okay, William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, son."

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the shopping cart. Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William."

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," says the grandpa, "but I am William. This little bastard's name is Kevin."

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:15 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2003 5:30 pm
Posts: 30062
Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 5:22 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 29685
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Image

_________________
You're probably wondering why I'm here
(not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to ya)
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2074 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 79, 80, 81, 82, 83

All times are UTC - 8 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group