Zappa.com

better question: you mean "sign" as in autograph?

if so,
even better question: why would you want calving to autograph you?
i've noticed that you make this request each time you ask for advice.



don't autograph me,
Tish

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

This is a through back to Dear Abby, all her advice requester would put Sign Me and then add a tag phrase related to their questions...

Dear Cal

How much does one charge for History lessens?

Sign Me

Book of Knowledge

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

History of what? Dolphins? King Crimson (woops)? Etruscans?

Dear Cal

I've seemed to develop a hitch in my giddy-up, what do you suggest?

Sign Me

Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay

and yer pardner has a burr in his saddle.
hoo duh thun kit?
but hooz leg am i pullin? you done up-n-new it.


signed
cowboy oh boy

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Dear Cal

Are you receiving me?

Sign Me

The Radio is Broken...

Sounds like you have a tritt lodged in your yoakum. 10 squats an hour, nothing but fudge for every meal, and mediation every other minute. For a year.

Dear Cal

I'm bored, I'm so board you could frame a house with me, what do you suggest?

Sign Me

Chairman of the Bored

I’ll take this one, Cal. Plook, take that board and whittle a woody out of it. It’ll keep you and AG entertained for days.

Take up zorbing!

http://www.businessinsider.com/obscure- ... #zorbing-5

Dear Cal

When I go to the park with my ball everyone wants to play with it, its my ball I got for my birthday, when I leave and take it with me everyone makes rude comments...what am I going to do?

Sign Me

Ball Boy

You still got your ball? Then what's the problem?

Dear Cal

I purchase an Eco-friendly solar powered Sex Doll named DC Dolly and its been cloudy all week, what's a guy to do?

Sign Me

Hi-Tech Toys with Lo-Tech issues

I believe DC stands for Dual/Crank. There should still be a hand crank that attaches just under the armpit. It'll do in a pinch.

But if not, and there aren't enough UV's for the DC give the old VR bow-chick-a-bow-wow, don't you have an AG model that is much better?

I needed a good laugh, you always deliver Cal...

dear calvin,
let's get right to it. i had a dream about 3 or 4 nights ago. actually, let's call it a nightmare.
i say this because the creepy factor was weaved into this thing high, low, and heavy.

i was at a mysterious funeral.
it was mysterious for 2 reasons. 1. i had no idea who had died. and 2. the other attendees were all strangers to me.
not only were they strangers, they were all african american. there had to be 2 or 300 of them. i am pretty sure i was the only white person there.

it seemed like we were all waiting around for the reveal.
and then it happened.
i don't know who said it, but it was announced..........

"great granddad"

and with that we all knew immediately who it was as we rushed over to view the body.
myself included. but it seemed like my legs weren't moving at all. it was as if i was being carried by the force/sadness? of all the other attendees.

it kind of fizzles and fades out from this point on.

i know some people believe that some dreams mean some things.
well, what do you think this one may be trying to convey?

much obliged,
wtf

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

You may be considering letting go of a relationship that you've had in the past. This person was very kind and caring towards you.


Or you read a newspaper article from 1948 chronicling an Altoona, Pennsylvania man who kept a pet ocelot in his basement.


Tough call.

Dear Cal

How does one recapture their youth?

Sign Me

Young At Heart Old Fart

Strap on that helmet and go skateboarding again! Once a few young people start laughing at you, you'll be satisfied with being really old.

EXACTLY.

i thought you were going to tell me that dark forces were attempting to drag me off into the unknown...
but now i think you are probably right on the money with that altoona thing.


thanks again!

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Dear Cal

I am a very sociable person and in these trying times my style is being cramped, how can I best keep my social profile up to snuff?

Sign Me
Socially Distant

You, good sir, are lucky you asked. Since I am number 326 on the list of Amazon's goof/nerds/dweeb to watch out for, I know a thing or three about social networking.

1. Make sure you are seen in all the right places. Twitter, Instagram, bubblesnap.com and sanger.dk.

2. Act like a really cool guy.

Done! You are now on the way to being an internet sensation!

calv,
it is no secret that you are collected, cultured, and overflowing with insight.
one of the more looked-up-to individuals here in the nest, and for good reason.
this is why it came as quite a devastating blow when you neglected to acknowledge your recent birthday accolades.

perhaps i stand alone on this, but i happen to think that the gesture was made intentionally and for good reason(s).

please take a glance and select from my brief option list of possible explanations. PS have fun!

(calv, this is you talking now) i did not respond simply because

a) i did not see the aforementioned birthday wishes.
b) i didn't think i needed to! what else do you babies want? your bankys and your bah bahs!!?
c) i do have an actual life. i suggest you try getting one. it can be quite a fulfilling eperience.


thanks calv.

this is gonna be awesome!

_________________
that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

A, because of C.

Nah, that's not true. It's D - I did see it and was going to reply, but something probably came up. I can NOT and will NOT let lapsed maps down.

Why am I winking in A? I don't wink much. Not a winker. I don't even watch Tic-Tac-Dough or Debt. And Neal McCoy sucks. (Pop culture references!!)