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Help! My wife is in the other room dismembering some sort of animal. She keeps saying i shouldn't worry about it, it's Thanksgiving. I don't trust her. What should I do?

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Everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh. Every night we'd contribute, 2, 3, 4 boogers. We had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. There was some goober ones that weren't even hard...

run very far away and hide inside a drum

Try both and then decide.

Allowable: Turkeys/Chickens/Raccoons/Squirrel. Un-acceptable: Animal from the Muppet Show, Animal from the Lou Grant show, Def Leppard's "Animal".

I doubt you are a highly qualified internet psychiatrist. Bad advice can be damaging.

Dear Calvin-
Can you recommend a good college for studying internet psychiatry and do you have any advice for aspiring internet psychiatrists? Also, how do you feel about Dr. Phil’s work and television psychiatry in general?

Signed,

Itching to Heal

The best is Junior Samples Blog And Institute Of Psychiatry (Internet). Be prepared for 4 years of the toughest training you will ever go through. (Or you can test out at the beginning. Takes about 5 minutes).

As for Dr Phil, he and his advice pellets that he pushes out of his psychiatric Pez dispenser, he's a TV personality, that's all. "You're only lonely if you're not there for you?" Crap.

Calvin-
In my continuing pursuit of the truth the opportunity to attend a Tony Robbins- Unleash the Power Within seminar will present itself next spring in my home state of California (http://www.tonyrobbins.com/UPW-San-Jose). My question is should I spring for the VIP ticket at $1,195.00 or will I get more bang for my buck for either the Executive ticket at $995.00 or the General Admission ticket at $775.00?

Also, will you be doing any seminars in my area in the near future and how do your fees compare to Tony’s?

Signed,

Still Itching

My practice is limited to the Zappa Forum. I'm on a small retainer (i.e., allowed to post on the forum).

It would be be nice to attend one of Tony's "experiences". All ticket levels include the fire walk, so you're covered there. But I would go online and buy "Awaken The Giant Within" and read it before you decide to lay down that kind of money.

I wouldn't put anybody down in the science of impr"you"vement. Accept that Dr. Phil. Ugh.

Dear Cal

Five days off and I don't want to go back to work, what's wrong with me?

Sign Me

Lazy Bones

Dear Calvin,

I believe I’ve broken off a piece of one of my molars when eating a pitted olive that wasn’t completely pitted. However, it happened years ago, and I don’t feel any signs of discomfort or pain - it was apparently just the tooth equivalent of a “flesh wound”. Do you think I can still pick up chicks?

Feets

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Let's hear it again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

I'll give you the answer when you're back to work.

Easily. Bend at the waist (this may be difficult for you since you're what, 6' 9"?) and cup them in your hand. Try not to pick them up by just the feathers.

My wife said I was sick and that I should get help! Do you know where I could get some of that?

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"Welcome to the Frank Zappa Memorial Country Club & BBQ" at wgt.com 75 members and counting.

hey calvin, this ever happen to you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Bk_jUB4og



sadly signed,
bummers

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Is she qualified to offer such advice?

If I went to Subway it would, I suspect.

Calvin-
Where do you turn to for advice?

Signed,

Calling All Kettles

Initially I tried to go to Paul Simon, but all that "bridge over troubled water" bullshit only applies to his really close friends. I found out I'm such an "advice whisperer" that I don't need to go elsewhere, just to look within.

ok now... i wasn't going to "go there", i really wasn't.
but hey, it's a lazy sunday and i feel this is something that should be addressed.

my initial question ( up there) is dealing with the past.
YOUR answer strictly deals with the future. alas..... i have a new question.


are you, calvin, a time traveler?


signed,
rewinding for words

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

Now come on, that's just crazy. You saying ridiculous stuff like that makes me wonder how you ever became the US Ambassador to Sweden.

How's it goin' Cal?

King Crimson- Islands on vinyl. It's such a quiet album in many places. What if the copy is old and a bit worn out? Are the pops and crackles considered an enhancement? Also, how often is too often when skipping over Prelude: Song Of The Gulls?

Thanks

Dear Cal

I'm very tired what do you suggest I do?

Singn me

Yanni (not the singer)

not quiet enough. it exists.



seek previous owner and beat said owner with heavy and/or blunt object.
not for wearing out the album... just for listening.



more like a blessing..... possibly the only exciting parts on the album.



no such thing. skip away.

PS "song of the gulls"!?!?
did richard simmons write that one after a break up,
upon taking a wash-it-all-away bubble bath, with a woe-is-me disposition
and a pringles can rammed... nevermind. i've said enough.


♥
Tish

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that's what happens when you don't read you loose your link to higher thinking

The Band's Islands is better.

But I've never heard this King Crimson album so maybe I'm not one to judge.